Tuesday, February 10, 2009

I hate it

when I have to drop my kids off at their dad's. My eleven year old asked if her dad was going to be there. I told her no and that he was working late again. Yes, his wife was going to be there but I know its not the same.

So my vibrant, goofy, happy child became quiet and serious on the 5 minute trip over to his house. My fourteen year old is pretty laid back and wasn't complaining. We unloaded their school bags, their soccer bags, her basketball bag and their suitcase full of school books and a couple of items that they like to have with them. For my son, its a Hot Wheels car and for my daughter a teddy bear.

I pile all the bags on the door step; I kiss my son and tell him I love him. I hug my daughter and am caught by surprise because she presses me close burying her head in my chest.

She is not a physically affectionate child and usually makes goofy faces when I try to kiss her. I tell her I love her and I feel her little hands grab my coat and press me closer to her. She holds on for a few more seconds and then wipes her tears on the sleeve of my coat so she can appear brave and not be sad in front of me.

It's cold but as my son walks into the house, she is still outside. She waves to me as I get into my car. She waits while I make a u-turn and is still on the doorstep to wave to me until she can no longer see me. I was able to be brave until I turn the corner and then I let myself cry all the way home. I hate moments like this.

My daughter doesn't like to pose for me but she did for about 30 minutes yesterday. She was just out of the shower and her hair was wet and uncombed. She had the bath towel draped around her shoulders and played with her DS while I painted on a 6x8 Raymar. I miss her so I finished this tonight from memory. I miss both my kids.

26 comments:

Natasha said...

They are so very fortunate to have you for a mother.

dominique eichi said...

Sheila, your portrait is beautiful and poignant. I am praying for you my friend that peace would fill the hearts of your family and yours.
HUGS.

Gail H. Ragsdale said...

I am so sorry Sheila! They will be back with you soon I hope.

Art with Liz said...

This is one beautiful work of art and what a beautiful daughter you have. Talent and beauty all in one family!

Stephen Dell'Aria said...

Those are difficult circumstances you face. Your feelings towards them show up in your portrait. It is a great painting.

James Parker said...

And how well I agree with Natasha. Wow, Sheila.
Justin Hayward of the Moody Blues had a song out called Billy. "It's a sad world, when there's no one who can reach out, to the source of your pain". Your children are so very fortunate to have YOU.

Dave King said...

That is one fine piece of painting!

benjaminlois said...

hi Sheila!! i here from Edward Burton´s blog. like really your blog and your painting.

Michelle Burnett said...

I agree with Natasha. They are lucky to have you as a mother. As a child of divorce, I know somewhat how your daughter feels. Your portrait of her is lovely and touching. Art is definitely therapeutic, so keep it up my friend. Try to weather the storms the best you can.

Nancy and the fatties said...

I hope they are home with you very soon, Sheila. I'm sending supportive thoughts and comforting hugs your way...
xxooo

flyinfur said...

I feel for you -- that was my life 12 years ago. It was awful at the time, but I think it helped both kids be stronger people. Natasha's right; they are fortunate to have you as a mom.

Rachete said...

Very nice!

http://globalartblog.com

r garriott said...

Hi Sheila, It's a lovely portrait. Sounds like you've got good, sweet kids.

Trevor Lingard said...

Gosh Sheila
Your words have made me gulp somewhat.
I cant imagine your feelings you felt. I am not good at words has you know , but I am sure your kids are so lucky to have you has there mum.
This is a very moving portrait and I can see so much in this painting. It has come from your heart.
Kind Regards

Dean H. said...

These are indeed some pretty hard times. But never forget to count your blessings no matter what the circumstances may be. Though sometimes not as obvious as sorrows, the blessings are still there for the counting.

Carol Horzempa said...

Sheila - Your painting and and words are very moving and must have come from the deepest part of your heart. I agree with Trevor, your kids are lucky to have a "mum" like you. I hope they will be back home soon.

artbyakiko said...

Your daughter's portrait is beautiful! The laws sure suck sometimes because they are not made to support love. :( Sheila your kids are lucky to have you as their mom.

Angela Elledge said...

Sheila - In addition to your artistic talents, you have the gift of encouragement, and I hope you are encouraged by all of the supportive creative people here who are happy to call you friend. It is hard to be strong when you're heart is breaking, but you did the right thing for your daughter. Take care.

Kim VanDerhoek said...

Oh Sheila, this is my favorite painting of yours to date! I can see that you put a lot of yourself into this. You've captured her with such tenderness and vulnerability - beautiful!

Imagining how you must have felt as you were driving away brought tears to my eyes. Hugs.

Paintings by Irit Bourla said...

The portrate is beautiful and your story made me cry.You are a great Mom and very brave to share this story with us.
A big hug from me, mother to mother.

Beth said...

Sheila...I was torn away from my "roots"...aka "father" at a very young age. No explanation, and was moved all the way across the country. I was not ALLOWED to speak to my wonderful (artist)Father for eleven years.Now I get to decorate my artwork with His last name, which had been taken fom me, and I got back.) I am a survivor of a similar situation of which you are speaking. I am 37 years old now...and I am okay.Your kids will be okay. No matter what happens, you all will be okay. Take it a moment at a time. Deep breath. I feel your pain. I will pray for you, and your family.

Marian Fortunati said...

Family is everything and I admire that you keep it civil so that your children have a chance to know their dad without influence of the pain you're feeling.
Be well...

Mary Sheehan Winn said...

Oh Sheila,
{{{{{{Sheila}}}}}

Maggie Mayer said...

Shelia, this makes me cry too. I know it's difficult. I wish I could give you a great big hug! I love my kids so much too. You are a brave woman to go through such a thing. Your kids too. I think God has a special plan for people like you that have to suffer like that.

Carol Nelson said...

Sheila,
The portrait is beautiful and your story pulls at the heart. Divorce is always an ugly reality for everyone involved - I speak from experience.
About all you can do is try to make the best of it. Give you little ones all the love you can - and try not to let them see your sadness.

Tom Pohlman said...

I have been too afraid to read your posts lately- as I am following in your footsteps- but I want to offer you my sympathy and support. I know you are a creature of light from all of your stories- your children know you love them and are there for them and that's something they will carry with them forever.