Happy Valentine's Day!

Wonderful thing the heart... There's a reason it's the strongest muscle in the body. Working night and day without a break so to speak.

Symbolically the heart can be "broken" or "filled" when it comes to love but it keeps on going.

I hope all of you have a wonderful Valentine's Day by counting all the people you love and all who love you. [include me in there for the latter group]

Hugs!!!!

Creative konk on the head

If you saw Wednesday's posted video on Elizabeth Gilbert's new way of thinking of creativity, you'll know what I'm talking about when she described how different people get their creative ideas. I especially love the description of the poet who felt the poem come at her like a thundering train and she would run to get paper and pencil before the poem barreled through her and left her forever.

Gilbert also told us not to be so hard on ourselves. That not every creative idea is going to be great. So I decided to embrace that philosophy.

My ideas come to me in dreams or as if an apple fell from a tree and konks me on the head. Depending on what I'm doing, I'll either look at it briefly while I continue to do what I need to do or I'll pick it up and examine it to see what I can do with it. Do I take the time to peel, season and bake it in a pie or do I just go ahead and take a big bite of it.

My elephant ballerina painting was one idea. Here's one that came to me last night. I have no clue what it means but it is what I saw in my mind's eye.

Maybe Erika can help me decipher it again.

Creativity... blessing or curse

An author of one of my very favorite books talks about the creative process
and how we have the choice of not having to feel cursed if things don't
magically reappear after our last masterpiece.
It's about 20 minutes long but her humor makes it seem like 5.

I hate it

when I have to drop my kids off at their dad's. My eleven year old asked if her dad was going to be there. I told her no and that he was working late again. Yes, his wife was going to be there but I know its not the same.

So my vibrant, goofy, happy child became quiet and serious on the 5 minute trip over to his house. My fourteen year old is pretty laid back and wasn't complaining. We unloaded their school bags, their soccer bags, her basketball bag and their suitcase full of school books and a couple of items that they like to have with them. For my son, its a Hot Wheels car and for my daughter a teddy bear.

I pile all the bags on the door step; I kiss my son and tell him I love him. I hug my daughter and am caught by surprise because she presses me close burying her head in my chest.

She is not a physically affectionate child and usually makes goofy faces when I try to kiss her. I tell her I love her and I feel her little hands grab my coat and press me closer to her. She holds on for a few more seconds and then wipes her tears on the sleeve of my coat so she can appear brave and not be sad in front of me.

It's cold but as my son walks into the house, she is still outside. She waves to me as I get into my car. She waits while I make a u-turn and is still on the doorstep to wave to me until she can no longer see me. I was able to be brave until I turn the corner and then I let myself cry all the way home. I hate moments like this.

My daughter doesn't like to pose for me but she did for about 30 minutes yesterday. She was just out of the shower and her hair was wet and uncombed. She had the bath towel draped around her shoulders and played with her DS while I painted on a 6x8 Raymar. I miss her so I finished this tonight from memory. I miss both my kids.

Dali Llama

Okay, so it's been a couple of heavy posts so I'm back to my goofy self. An ode to one of my favorite artists and animals. It's funny but I've seen the Dalai Lama spelled this way on the web also.

So I'm still working on a couple of things. I was wondering if the DSFDF crew were actually doing the "homework" Karin assigned us. I should do it. I've never done an outdoor painting on my own. Maybe I'll try it.

Hugs to all.

Dalai Lama

Thank you so much for the outpouring of support yesterday. I do have bad days but it makes me appreciate the good so much more.

I'm no Dalai Lama because he is a quintessential example on how to remain happy and hopeful in light of China invading and attempts to destroy Tibetan culture. He is not a door mat either. He is "fighting" his culture's destruction by seeking help from other countries to put pressure on China.

I know I won't be able to financially win the battle with my ex but I will always be richer with friends and with an outlook that the world is good. As in painting, you must have the dark to bring out the light.

Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions.
Dalai Lama

This painting I whipped out this morning is oil on 6x8 Raymar.

"Quick(?)" Study

I worked 2 hours straight on this study of another Tibetan Monk on a 6x8 canvas. It just felt good to do something different this morning.

An then to pour a bucket of ice water on my day, my ex emails me and tells me because I'm having financial struggles maybe he should keep our kids full time. This and the fact that I don't want to be around his wife as being silly are being backed up "by a bunch of experts" he's spoken to. I replied I'd like to meet his platoon of experts and I'll see what he says.

It's ironic he's consulting "experts" now because for the year after he moved out he would not allow me to take our daughter who was 8 at the time to go see a counselor even though she was having nightmares and anxiety.

This also means I may follow up on an offer to work for a new extradition company. I got a call last night with a former fellow officer who is part of this new company. It would mean a lot of travel and dealing with transporting prisoners from county to county or even across the nation. I'm going to spend the rest of the day trying to think of a reason why his email this morning would have a positive outcome. [ okay after I feel sorry for myself for a little bit first] need hugs...

Okay maybe I should explain. He had the affair, he left me but I had to pay him more than 165,000 for his half of the house and my other assets. He also got a big chunk of my pension so a portion of it goes to him every month until $200,000 is paid off. With his wife's $300,000 from her husband and him paying her child support and her full time job, he's wondering why I'm having financial issues.